


A Kleptomaniacs Confessions of Love as Told to a Monkey

by FWvidChick



Series: Clois Oneshots [1]
Category: Smallville
Genre: F/M, Intoxication, Kleptomania, Lemur, Love, offscreenville
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-08
Updated: 2014-04-08
Packaged: 2018-01-18 13:40:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1430518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FWvidChick/pseuds/FWvidChick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Doctor Lemur is in the house and well listening to the rambles of a drunk Kleptomaniac in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Kleptomaniacs Confessions of Love as Told to a Monkey

**Author's Note:**

> Time Frame: Not long before Clark wakes up at the beginning of Fortune.
> 
> I've always wanted to write this since after Fortune aired. I mean really.. What did Clark do with his new friend..ect. At one point i was going to have them walking down the alley together and Clark babbling. but I like this as I got another idea from the Clois thread and the crazy's there about Clark and his klepto habits and Chloe's part in that. Haha.. so this was born. Hope its enjoyed.
> 
> Thanks to Nat for beta-ing
> 
> Kleptomaniac - Someone with an irrational urge to steal in the absence of an economic motive.

In his present state, it was viewed as perfect. Every item he had 'found', in his opinion, were positioned just right. She'd be so happy...it was all proof as to how much he loved her. Not a single item didn't have a story behind it, a reason why he had chosen them.

It made sense now, though later his sober mind wouldn't be able to fathom the logic and reasoning of his enchanted and inebriated self. Nor would the woman he loved be able to make any sense of it either.

Clark placed the very last and the most precious piece in his pilfered collection in the closet. Careful to lean the petite blonde back carefully and not damage her. Standing upright and even containing his euphoria might not be easy, but he still had some sense so as to not hurt her. Besides, Lois would kill him if he did.

Chloe wasn't just the most precious part of what he wanted to show Lois, she was the center piece. As much as signs,lamp posts, and other items from places they had been, would mean something to Lois just as much as they did to him, nothing would compare to having her cousin permanently in her life.

Once again, Clark planned to keep Chloe in his back pocket (or closet if you will). This time though, it was because he knew he wanted her as his best friend and Lois' too. No more Chloe disappearing. No way, no how. It would make Lois so happy.

It never occurred to him that being claimed in such away might upset the blonde in question or any other person for that matter. Not that she would ever know later, nor did she even have a chance to protest when he 'took' her.

If she had known mentioning her plans in her intoxicated state to a man that was even more out of it than her would have her end up in said closet, Chloe would have kept her mouth shut. Fortunately, her ability to stay conscious vanished just as Clark decided that he couldn't let her go. Besides, in that said state of ill logic, Chloe might have just willingly participated in being part of his love collection.

One would never know.

Turning from the closet, Clark surveyed one last time every item. His attention was drawn away for a moment by the lemur sitting on the bed post. Doctor Lemur, as Clark had lovingly bestowed on his new friend, chittered at him. He was hungry.

Clark didn't get the message as preoccupied as he was. Instead, he sat down on the bed and turned to his furry friend and told him a story of love. How the blow up palm tree reminded him of Lois, the Luthor corp sign, atleast the part he stole, made him think of her...how he wanted to give her the world.

The monkey listened, mostly because he had no choice, wondering when the big man would give him something to eat. Hopefully soon. An ignorant Clark continued his tale with earnest affection, on the verge of blubbering as his emotions for one Lois Lane over ran his thoughts.

"You know..." he sighed dramatically, "I think she ran away again."

Doctor Lemur gave him a long look. Clark took it as a sign to elaborate.

"She has done it before, leaving when things got a bit too much."his voice almost cracked with emotion.

"Left when …" Clark frowned, his past love's name for some strange reason wasn't coming to him. "We almost kissed, you know...and then she ran away."

Doctor Lemur bobbed his head; his usual companions understood it meant he wanted something. Again Clark took it as an interest in his tale of woe. "She...my lovely Lois also ran away when I kissed her. "He leaned towards the monkey, putting his face so close he could look him eye to eye.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd think she had a thing against my kisses. But..." He smirked as he remembered the sounds he could get her to make when he kissed her."I know for a fact she loves my lips."

"Do you realize," he continued, the smirk widening, taking up the whole of his face."She has named each lip...yes...I am that good."

"Really," he tilted his head thoughtfully. "I'm in the wrong profession. I mean, if I am that good of a kisser, why am I a reporter?"

Exasperated at the lack of food provided, Doctor Lemur chittered again. Moving from the post to the man's lap.

Having lost his train of thought on alternative professions, Clark stroked the monkey's back and went back to surveying. "That lamp post is my favorite. We'd go for walks and always stop underneath it at some point. Sometimes to talk, sometimes to kiss...once I even felt her up underneath it."Clark wasn't sure which of those times he liked best, though the coping a feel was near the top of his list for sure.

Doctor Lemur gave up on the sitting in the lap tactic as it was only getting him the occasional pet which was not what he wanted. So he began to search the bed for any possible food.

Clark paid the monkey no mind, continuing his ramble, "I love her, you know. So much...more than I ever thought possible. I mean, really? How does she do it? Its like she crawled right under my skin." Using hand motions to illustrate the whole crawling under his skin metaphor, Clark shook his head with exasperation. "She must have some sort of magical power I tell you. How does someone so... bossy do that? To me?"

He looked at the Doctor Lemur with questioning eyes. "How?"

The monkey returned the look, wondering the same thing when it came to how thick the man could be.

"I mean, I'm invulnerable...well, to everything except kryptonite. But Lois...Lois just...defies that! And to make it worse...I like her bossyness. It's so..." he waved a hand in the air trying, to find the word. "Her...it's so Lois!"Snorting, Clark laid back on the bed.

"I can't get enough of her and I don't just mean her hot body," He turned to exchange a meaningful glance with his new friend, "and when I say hot, I mean hot. The things I can do...well, the things I do do to that body. But," he shook his head, returning his gaze to the ceiling. "that's not the point...it's not what makes me want her really."

Clark went quiet as he tried to find words to express all the love he felt inside of him. Some of the adjectives that came to mind were not, in his opinion, good enough and some...when his mind wandered back to her hot body, were just plain inappropriate in front of such a young mind as his monkey friend.

For a second, he felt the tears threaten his eyes, the words spilling out. "She is amazing...makes me so happy...everytime she walks in a room, she takes my breath away. Every time...do you know how big my lungs are? And yet she can do that to me."

He turned to lay on his side as if he was having a sleep over talk with a friend, "I don't tell her this 'cause it might make her run away again. But I want her to have many babies with me." He smiled. "I want them to all have her eyes...those beautiful hazel eyes. "

Another thought occurred to him as he found sleep trying to claim him. "I think I should have grabbed something for a baby, you know, so she knows without me telling her."He looked at Doctor Lemur finally getting an idea of why the monkey was rummaging around his bed. Pulling a snack pack of chips from Lois' emergency stake out bag, Clark tossed it to the monkey before laying down properly on the bed.

"I do love her thighs you know," he half mumbled now. "They are just like her laugh..." Clark wouldn't have been able to explain that comparison if he tried, but he meant it. "So beautiful...sweet in a sort of kick your ass cherry kind of way."

The words kept spilling out, images of them together filled his head, sometimes just of talking and others a little more NC-17 rated. Smiling goofily to himself, Clark looked at the ceiling, remembing how they had painted it once already to cover up the scorch marks.

"She...does this thing you know. With her..." He glanced at the monkey. "Never mind, but it's nice.. well more than that." His eye lids grew heavy. "I love that porchswing - it goes good with her hair..."

More than lost to soused influenced dreams, Clark felt the heat grow in his eyes and gave one last ego happy smirk as he released the heat, before falling back to sleep. Another token of his affection for one Lois Lane burned in all its glory on the ceiling.

ღ

"Why do we have a parking meter?"Lois looked at the item in question as Clark placed it with the others in the corner of the living room.

"I don't know."

"You are so weird when you're drunk."

"I get a little leeway. How often have I been drunk?"

Lois laughed, "Fair enough, but still..there are a lot of things to return and I can't figure out why you took even half of it."Her eyes roamed over the vast array of objects. There didn't seem to be a theme she could recognize.

"Your guess is as good as mine. " Clark put his hands around her waist, drawing her to him. Her back pressed firmly to his front. "I do love what you did when you were drunk."

Lois frowned for a moment, before leaning back into him, turning her head slightly to look inhis face. "What? Gamble away my ring?"

"No." He gave a slight teasing smile, letting his hands drift down to her lower stomach. "I meant that private art show I now have."

Lois turned in his arms now, grinning herself. "Oh that...well...call me a rebel."

"More like a sap"

"Hey, a tattoo there is not sappy."

"No, I guess not. But the words "Lois loves Clark always" kinda is."

"Yeah, well...I think you should get a matching one, if it would take. It would say"Lois' property onl.."She didn't get to finish before his lips claimed hers for a deep consuming kiss.

When they finally pulled away, Lois smacked his rear and grabbed the paint bucket."Okay Romeo... lets go. Though maybe, we should leave it?"

"No, it would be a little hard to explain."

"Not many people see our bedroom, Clark."

"It's not just the bedroom though, is it? We had one across the living room and a third in the bathroom."Clark frowned, not remembering making any of the three blur symbols.

"You really do like marking your territory, don't you?" Lois giggled as she headed up the stairs. "Oh and just for clarification, we are not keeping the monkey."

Smiling, Clark shook his head as he followed. Too bad, he thought. For some reason, he felt the monkey understood him.

ღ /ღ

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